7
For the second time
in as many days, I found myself standing in the freezing cold at
Graceland Cemetery. Side by side with Dan, I stared at the grave of
Madeline Tremayne.
“Sorry it’s so
awful out here.†Dan pulled his scarf closer around his neck.
“When it comes to Maddy, I never think about the weather. Rain or
shine, I don’t much care. Every day I’m in
Chicago—â€
“You come here. Of
course.â€
Sure, my voice was a
little snippy. Like anyone could blame me? I’d just been
blindsided by the living and the dead, it was as cold as hell, my
feet were numb, and my teeth were chattering. Add to all that the
fact that I was still trying to work through what had me flummoxed
in the cab on the way over, and my current funky mood was not only
excusable but understandable. There I was, shivering, and I was no
closer to figuring out what, exactly, was going on, why I hadn’t
caught on sooner, and how I was supposed to proceed now that I knew
that the ghost who had engaged my services was connected (in more
ways than I wanted to consider) to a guy I thought was going to be
a guy in my life, only maybe now he wasn’t, and maybe I didn’t
want him to be, anyway, seeing as how he’d never bothered to
mention this incredibly important
oh-by-the-way-I-used-to-be-married detail.
It was enough to
make my head pound and my blood whoosh through my veins with all
the clatter of an L train, and before it could upend me, I sucked
in a breath of frigid air and told myself to get a grip. If nothing
else, I now understood why Madeline was so worried about Dan. She
was his wife, after all. Or at least she used to be. Of course she
cared about him. She loved him.
From the way he
looked at her grave, his expression grim and his eyes brimming with
grief that was practically palpable, I knew that even after three
years, Dan still loved her, too.
It was actually
pretty sweet.
My feet were as numb
as ever, but my heart warmed.
“She didn’t use
your name.†There was a light dusting of snow on the pink granite
headstone. I bent to sweep it away then brushed my gloves against
my coat to get rid of the snow that stuck to them. “It says
Madeline Tremayne, not Madeline Callahan.â€
Dan never took his
eyes off the grave. “Maddy earned her degrees before I ever met
her,†he said. “She taught under that name. She lectured under
that name. She was published under that name. I felt it was only
right that she be remembered for what she accomplished, not for
just being my wife.â€
My heart warmed a
little more, even when an icy wind kicked up. I glanced around.
That day, like every day, the cemetery closed at four thirty, and
though we still had a half hour or so, it was an overcast afternoon
in the dead of winter; the light was already beginning to fade. The
Palmer memorial, not all that far away, was wrapped in gray. I
shivered and stepped closer to Dan. Don’t get the wrong idea; I
am not insensitive or callous. I knew this wasn’t the time—and
it certainly wasn’t the place—to try and put the moves on him.
I was hoping for nothing more than to share a smidgen of body
heat.
“She died
young.†It was a way to keep the conversation going; I didn’t
need to mention it. Something told me that not a day went by when
Dan didn’t think about Madeline. In a strange way, it explained a
lot.
He barely nodded.
“Too young. She was Doctor Gerard’s assistant at the clinic.
Well, really, she was more than his assistant. Maddy was
indispensable. She practically ran the place. She worked there when
I met her. I was a graduate student and I needed some hours of
field-work. I guess there are some people who might say our
relationship was inappropriate, seeing that she was my supervisor,
but it wasn’t like that at all! She was just a couple years older
than me, and we struck up an instant friendship. Exactly one month
and three days after we met, I proposed. I didn’t think I could
ever be lucky enough to have her feel about me the way I felt about
her, so I wasn’t just thrilled when she said yes, I was on top of
the world. I was willing to wait if I had to, but she wanted to get
married fast. Good thing Maddy wasn’t a woman who believed in all
that razzle-dazzle wedding nonsense.â€
It wasn’t my
imagination. Dan really did pause right there. It was as if he
actually knew that the wedding I had once planned was complete with
a videographer, a sound tech, and a computer geek whose job it was
to make sure every guest left with a DVD of the day’s events. Of
course, there were also the two swans that were set to be released
from their pen to float by on the country-club lake just as Joel
and I cut our wedding cake. And the bevy of pink-gowned little
girls (children of cousins and friends) whose sole function at the
festivities was to blow soap bubbles as we emerged from the stretch
limo that just happened to be the same shade of ivory as my
brides-maids’ gowns.
Of course Dan’s
pointed silence reminded me of all this, but I didn’t take
offense. Not too much, anyway. He was so lost in thought, his
expression so dreamy, I forgave him.
“We were married
at city hall that week,†he said, and thinking about it, a smile
touched his lips. “That was just a few months before . . .†He
cleared his throat. “Maddy was leaving the clinic one night when
she ran into one of her clients. He was off his meds. He asked for
money; she didn’t have any to give him, she needed it for cab
fare. He claimed he didn’t remember exactly what happened after
that, but—â€
“He killed
her.â€
When Dan’s eyes
snapped to mine, I knew I had to explain.
I shrugged, but I
doubted he noticed, since the light was fading fast and I was
cocooned in my wool coat. “What else could it have been? I mean,
a woman that young, and you said she was mugged. It only makes
sense that she was—â€
“Yeah.†Dan’s
voice was no louder than the whisper of frosty wind that raised the
hair on the back of my neck. “What a waste of such a promising
life! And it’s even sadder when you think she only had a couple
bucks with her. I know that for a fact, because she called earlier
in the day and asked me to bring some extra cash when I came down
to the clinic. She needed to stop on the way home and pick up some
things from the grocery store, and she hated to write a check for
food. Said it wasn’t worth the effort. Maybe if I’d been there
like I was supposed to be . . .â€
There was nothing I
could say, so I didn’t even try, and good thing. Dan was so
caught up in the past and the guilt that was eating him from the
inside out, he never would have heard me.
“She was
brilliant,†he said. “She was clever. Maddy was
beautiful.â€
“Huh?†I slapped
one gloved hand over my mouth, but by then, it was already too
late. I couldn’t take back my skeptical question, and I sure
couldn’t tell Dan that the Madeline I knew wasn’t just
irritating and self-important, she was as plain as a mud fence and
had the fashion sense of a cloistered nun. With no other choice, I
scrambled for an excuse. “That picture you showed me, it wasn’t
the best. It didn’t do her justice. I bet she was plenty
pretty.â€
Dan smiled in a way
I always imagined some guy—somewhere, someday—would smile when
he talked about me. “Pretty? That’s putting it mildly! Maddy
was blond and blue-eyed and she had the cutest little dimple that
showed up on her right cheek when she smiled.â€
I’d never noticed
the dimple, but then, I wasn’t sure I’d ever seen Madeline
smile. No matter, hearing the affection that colored Dan’s voice
made me think of that old saying about beauty being in the eye of
the beholder. No doubt, in Dan’s eyes, Madeline was the belle of
the ball.
I hate getting all
sloppy and sentimental, but facts are facts; my heart softened even
more.
“I’m sorry I
never told you about her.†To try and gauge my reaction, Dan gave
me a sidelong glance. “It just never seemed to be the right time.
But then this afternoon, when I saw you coming out of the clinic
and realized you were going to be part of Doctor Gerard’s study .
. .†He pulled in a breath and let it out in a puff. When he
turned to me, his expression wasn’t nearly as solemn anymore.
Something very much like hope shone in Dan’s blue eyes. “This
is great, Pepper. Really. I’m convinced that you’re our best
bet. If we ever have any hope of contacting those on the Other
Side—â€
I didn’t have to
say a word to stop Dan cold. That’s because I latched onto his
arm so hard and so fast, he was too startled to go on.
Confused, he blinked
at me in wonder, and I stammered over questions I could barely put
into words. “You mean, the ghost thing? Your interest in the
paranormal? All that talk about . . . about warnings of danger and
. . . and things that go bump in the night and . . . and how you
took that picture of me once and you must have used some kind of
crazy camera because it showed me and two blobs of mist and... and
you never really came right out and said it, of course, because
that would have been too easy and... and you just sort of skirted
around the issue and . . . and you talked about my aberrant
behavior instead and . . . and my brain scans and all and . . .and
how weird they were since I hit my head on that mausoleum back at
Garden View and... and now this study with Doctor Gerard and... and
are you telling me this is all because of—â€
“Because of Maddy.
Of course.â€
Dan was so calm, his
voice so matter-of-fact, it made my ramblings sound crazier than
ever. And they already sounded pretty crazy.
I steadied myself
with a calming breath, and though it wasn’t easy, I refused to
say another word until I was sure I wouldn’t come across sounding
like a lunatic. When I finally spoke, my words were as calm and as
measured as the look I gave Dan.
“You’re
interested in the paranormal because you want to contact
Madeline.â€
Buying some time to
organize his thoughts, he took a couple steps away. “I’ve
always been interested in the paranormal,†he said. “You know,
the way a lot of people are. As a kid, I loved ghost stories and
scary movies, and sometimes even these days, I watch those
ghost-hunting shows on TV. But I never really believed any of it.
Back when I was in school, I mean. I was a scientist, after all,
and I took my research work very seriously. Then I met
Maddy.â€
Dan was still
looking my way, but I could tell he wasn’t seeing me. His eyes
were misted. He was clearly thinking about the past.
“She was the love
of my life. My soul mate. When she died . . .†His shoulders
slumped as if a weight had been dropped from the leaden clouds
above us. “I have to find her again, Pepper. I’ll never rest
until I do. After Maddy died, that’s when I got seriously
involved in paranormal research. I was making progress, too. But
not enough. Not fast enough. That’s when I took the chance and
mentioned my interest to Doctor Gerard. He didn’t laugh. Not like
I expected him to. In fact, he understood perfectly. He knew Maddy
as well as anyone. He missed her, too. He agreed to fund my
research on one condition: I had to share my findings with him.
Since then, I’ve made great strides. It’s amazing what can
happen when you’ve got financing behind you. I’ve got the best
equipment in the world and—â€
“Then it’s true?
Doctor Gerard is giving you the money for your
research?â€
If Dan thought my
question was odd or impertinent, he didn’t say. He simply nodded.
“Hilton Gerard is a man who can really make things
happen.â€
Be that as it may, I
was still stuck on the bit about Doctor Gerard and the money.
“Where does it come from?â€
“The money?â€
This time, the whole odd part of the
equation was evident in the look Dan gave me. “Hilton’s got a
huge family fortune.â€
That, apparently,
was supposed to be explanation enough.
It might actually
have been if I wasn’t hell-bent on finding out more.
“You’re
sure?â€
Dan made a face.
“Of course I’m sure. Where else would it come from? You can’t
possibly think that Doctor Gerard is—â€
“Of course not.â€
It was too soon to point fingers, but not too soon to probe. Just a
little more. “What about the people in your study?†I asked
Dan. “Where do they come from? How do you find
them?â€
And what happens to them when you’re done poking around
in their brains?
That was the
question I was dying to ask, but like I said, it was too soon.
Better to play it cool than take the chance that Dan would get
offended and leave me high and dry. And I wasn’t just talking
about being left at the cemetery alone again. I could deal with
that. But if Dan shut me out... well, then I’d lose any hope of
helping him.
His answer to my
question about his test subjects was a shrug. “I find subjects
the way any researcher does,†he said. “Questionnaires,
feelers, requests to other researchers, referrals. I find them the
way I found you. You know, by working in hospitals, watching who
comes in, checking out their records. I have to tell you, Pepper,
by the time I met you, I was losing faith. I’d looked into lead
after lead. Doctor Gerard had studied patient after patient. Even
the promising ones . . . well, they never panned out. Then when I
saw your brain scans, I knew you were different. Special. I
thought—â€
“You thought I
could help your study along.â€
“It’s not like I
was trying to take advantage of you. It’s just
that—â€
“You were trying
to take advantage of me.â€
Dan didn’t look
any happier admitting this than I did saying it. He didn’t meet
my eyes when he said, “You’re a terrific girl, Pepper. Really,
I like you a lot. It’s just that—â€
“You’ll always
be in love with Madeline.â€
Maybe he didn’t
hear the disappointment that dripped from my every word. That would
explain why he responded to my statement as if it was a good thing.
“I’m glad you understand,†he said. His smile was brief, and
I got the feeling it was more for my sake than anything else. “I
knew you would. It just shows what a kind and sensitive person you
are. I know it’s not a very scientific thing to say—after all,
it can’t really be measured, can it?—but your understanding and
your compassion . . . I think that has something to do with your
ability to communicate with the dead.â€
He didn’t say it
like it was a question. Dan was way more up front than that. And
me? Well, if ever there was a time for me to come clean, I knew
this was it.
My sigh rippled the
icy air between us. “It’s not something I’m thrilled
about.â€
“You should be!
Think of all you can accomplish with this wonderful Gift of yours.
You can give grieving people hope. You can be a messenger between
the here and now and the Other Side. You can find her for me,
Pepper.†At this point, Dan’s eyes weren’t just bright, they
were fiery. I’d never seen him look that way before, and it made
me a little uncomfortable. “I’ll do anything—anything—to
talk to Maddy again. I need to see her and I need to tell her how
very much I love her.â€
“And you think I
can help?â€
“I know you
can.†Before I even had a chance to react, Dan had his hands on
my shoulders. His look was pleading. “With Doctor Gerard’s
guidance, we can make this thing happen. I know we can, Pepper. And
when we do, we’re going to change the world!â€
If I was as
understanding and compassionate as Dan thought I was, I would have
responded to this statement with some genuine enthusiasm. I
actually might have if I wasn’t thinking about what I’d learned
from Ernie outside the clinic that afternoon. My detective
tendencies kicked into high gear. “Doctor Gerard isn’t just
looking for folks with aberrant behavior, is he? He’s looking for
people who see things. And people who hear things.
Because—â€
“Because . . .â€
Dan reined in his wild enthusiasm to answer. “Because though most
of the people who exhibit those behaviors are mentally ill, he
suspects what you and I both already know. Not all of them
are.â€
I let this news sink
in before I responded. “So Doctor Gerard thinks that some of the
people who hear things and see things really do hear things and see
things. And that the people who do—â€
“Are lucky enough
to be in contact with the Other Side. Yes.†Dan nodded. “Now
that you’re on board, well, things can really start to come
together, can’t they? All our other subjects . . . they might
hear and see things, but they’re not things from the Other Side.
But I know you’re different, Pepper. I just know it. We’re
going to accomplish wonderful things. This is cutting-edge science,
and not something the mainstream scientific community would
endorse. But hey, they made fun of Galileo, too,
right?â€
I wasn’t sure
about that, so it seemed best not to answer. Instead, I forced
myself to hold off on all the questions I was burning to ask. Why
bother when I knew I wouldn’t get a straight answer. Not from a
man who had chucked his conventional scientific ways to devote his
life to exploring the possibility of communicating with his dead
wife. If I was going to find out what was really going on in that
study, I would have to bide my time. As I’d already learned in
the course of three previous investigations, biding my time meant
playing along. At least until I figured out who was who, what was
what, and what the hell was really going on.
Looking back on it,
I guess that’s why I didn’t mention that I’d already been in
touch with Madeline. If I gave away that secret, Dan would want
details, and there was no way I was ready to tell him that the
Maddy I met didn’t exactly jibe with his memories, colored as
they were with guilt, sentiment, and loneliness. In point of fact,
she was a snooty, bigheaded pain in the—
“Did you see
that?†A movement in the shadows on my left caught my eye and
interrupted my train of thought. I spun around that way, and when I
did, Dan dropped his hands from my shoulders and looked around,
too.
“See
what?â€
I squinted into the
gloom, but if there had been something there before, it sure
wasn’t there now. Or was it?
An arctic blast of
air curled around my feet and slithered up my legs, penetrating my
layers of clothing. It left me feeling icy and so scared, my knees
knocked together and I couldn’t breathe.
Believe me, this was
one frosty feeling I recognized on contact. I thought back to my
visit to the cemetery the day before and to the shadow that had
followed me for a while, then slipped away and disappeared. Yeah,
that one. The spooky shadow that scared me to death.
As frightened out of
my gourd now as I was then, I hugged my arms around myself and
looked hard in the direction the attack of cold had come
from.
I was just in time
to see a shadow—thicker and darker than the ones around it—pass
behind a standing headstone. It didn’t come out on the other
side.
“That.†I
pointed, but by the time Dan caught on and looked in the right
direction, the heavyweight shadow was already gone.
And if I told him
how just looking at it made me want to run off screaming into the
night, I’d sound like a nutcase.
“Must have been a
bird.†My smile wasn’t any more convincing than my feeble
explanation, but let’s face it, Dan was too busy thinking about
his beloved Madeline to worry about anything else. He twitched his
shoulders before he turned back to me, and if he noticed that while
he spoke my gaze kept darting to the place I’d seen the shadow
disappear, he was polite enough not to say anything about
it.
“I’m glad we had
this chance to talk.†From behind the lenses of his wire-rimmed
glasses, Dan’s eyes shone with emotion. “I just wish . .
.â€
He didn’t have to
fill in the blanks. I knew exactly what he was wishing
for.
I wondered what
he’d say if he realized that the next second, she was standing
right behind him.
“What is it?â€
Dan must have seen the flash of awareness in my eyes, because he
spun around and looked where I was looking. Of course, he didn’t
have my Gift (lucky guy). All he saw was a vast stretch of cemetery
and row upon row of headstones and monuments, as cold as the wintry
air. “You’re looking at something. At someone. Is she . . .â€
Dan was so excited, he could barely get the words out. I watched
anticipation wash across his face. “Is Maddy
here?â€
It was either lie to
him or tell him the truth and watch him melt into a puddle of mush.
I wasn’t prepared for that. Or for revealing the whole truth and
nothing but about my Gift. At least not until I learned more about
Dan’s study and those people who’d gone into it and never come
out again.
None of that
explains the words that came out of my mouth. Then again, the look
of longing in Dan’s eyes probably does.
“Madeline is
here,†I said, and always the rational scientist—even when we
were talking about something completely irrational—he tried hard
to control his smile. “She’s standing there.†I put a hand on
his arm and nudged him around so that he was facing the right
way.
“He’s anxious to
see me, poor darling.†Madeline drifted back and forth in front
of Dan. “Tell him, Pepper. Tell him I say hello.â€
“She says
hello.â€
Dan blinked away
tears. “How does she look? What is she wearing? Is she happy?
Does she . . .†He swallowed so hard, I saw his Adam’s apple
jump. “Does she miss me?â€
“He’s a
sweetheart.†Madeline’s voice was as soft as the look she gave
her husband. “I don’t want to see him suffer.â€
“She doesn’t
want to see you suffer.†I relayed the message to Dan, of course,
because I didn’t want to see him suffer, either.
“I want him to be
happy.â€
“She says that she
wants you to be happy.â€
He nodded, but
pardon me for not being convinced. There was so much pain in
Dan’s eyes, I could tell that happiness was the farthest thing
from his mind. “I can never be happy,†he said, echoing my
thoughts. “Not without you, Maddy. I’m sorry about what
happened at the clinic that day. If only I—â€
“Shhhh.â€
Madeline drifted closer. Her clunky shoes never touched the ground.
“Tell him there was nothing he could do. Our fates are sealed, he
couldn’t change mine.â€
“She said you
shouldn’t feel guilty.â€
“It’s time for
him to get on with his life. Tell him, Pepper.â€
“She wants you to
move on with your life.â€
“It’s time for
him to put the past behind.â€
“It’s time for
you to put the past behind.â€
“It’s time for
him to open his heart to new possibilities.â€
“It’s time for
you to . . .†Madeline’s message was just too lame. I wrinkled
my nose and decided a little poetic license was in order. “It’s
time for you to start fresh.â€
“She wouldn’t
understand if I did. How could she?†Dan barely looked my way
before he stepped toward where I’d told him Madeline was
standing. “I promised I’d love you forever, Maddy. I meant
that. With all my heart.â€
“He was the man of
my dreams.†Madeline stepped away, fading as she did. “He was
the perfect husband. If only . . . if only there was someone who
could make him as happy as I did. I want him to be
happy.â€
I decided not to
relay this part of the message. Talking to a dead wife about
finding her husband a live wife . . . well, that was a little too
weird, even for me.
When I didn’t say
anything, Dan spun toward me. “Is she gone?†he
asked.
I looked to where
Madeline was standing. There was nothing and no one there now.
“She’s gone.â€
“But she’ll be
back, right?â€
I didn’t have the
answer, but it didn’t stop me from saying, “Of course she will
be.â€
A bittersweet smile
touched Dan’s lips. He patted my arm. “You’re a good friend,
Pepper,†he said. “I’m glad you’re the one who’s giving
me the messages from Maddy. It means . . .†His voice clogged
with tears. “It means so much to me. You understand, don’t you?
When Maddy talks about me being happy again . . . I know she means
it, and believe me, I’d really like to. But you understand that
it isn’t possible, right? It’s just not that easy to turn off
grief.â€